Ron Weasley: Marrying Menace
by Fidelian
Summary: Ron is proposing. The twins can help. Now what? RonHermione. Sequel to the Weasley Theories.
1. A Shaky Start

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**Chapter One: A Shaky Start**

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One day I did something. Something that probably is both the stupidest thing I've ever done and my most brilliant idea ever. I decided that I was going to propose to my girlfriend.

Now, I guess most of you are thinking something along the lines of 'How lovely!' or 'Good for him, I'll bet she says yes!'

You are very, very naive. My girlfriend is Hermione Granger, you see.

Yes, you've probably heard of her. She's the most brilliant with of her age, she has liberated probably all of the house elfs in Britain, and she will probably become the next Minister for Magic.

Still, you might be thinking that so what if she was brilliant, she wouldn't have a daft boyfriend, right?

Wrong.

Because I'm Ron Weasley. I've got red hair, more freckles than you can count (seriously, Hermione tried once, but when she pulled out something Muggle called a calclator or something, I ran for it), six siblings who are all more successful than I am, and a mother that calls me "her little Ronniedums" when she gets more sentimental than usual.

Sometimes I sneeze when I drink juice, and it pours out my nose. Enough said.

But I had made up my mind. Alright, Harry convinced me.

"You have to do it, mate!" he said, grinning as if Christmas had come early.

"But why?" I groaned deeply.

"You love her, don't you?" Harry asked, frowning slightly.

"Er," I said uncertainly, "yeah, I guess so."

My best friend stared at me in open disgust.

"You're such a chicken," he said. "I know you love Hermione, you've loved her since we were fifteen."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving his words away. "But I don't understand why we have to get married."

"That's just because you haven't experienced it, mate," said Harry, something coming over him. "It's truly great."

"You just think that because it gives you an unlimited resource for shagging," I said, chuckling.

Harry laughed out loud. "Please, Ginny and I haven't had sex since before the second baby was born."

I blanched. "Billy is two years old."

"I know," sighed Harry. "It's getting quite painful. Literally." He shifted slightly on the couch.

I thought about not making love with Hermione for two whole years. My chest hurt, and my toes twitched.

"Yeah, I don't want to get married," I said, shaking my head.

"Of course you do!" Harry yelled, making me shriek in a very manly way.

"Why do you want me to marry Hermione so desperately, anyway?" I asked him, still clutching my chest in horror.

"Because I want you two to be happy together forever," said Harry, smiling slightly. "And you'd be excellent babysitters."

"You've convinced me, mate," I laughed.

--

Harry said that I should get a sapphire ring with a gold band, so I decided on a diamond ring with a silver band. It was for the best.

I wanted the ring to fit Hermione directly after I had proposed to her, so I had to get ring finger measurements without making her understand what I was trying to do. During sleep was obviously the perfect time to make my move.

So one night I took my measuring band with me when we went to bed. After some genuinely amazing sex, I had to repeatedly pinch my own thigh to prevent me from falling asleep. Hermione seemed surprised that I was awake for longer than three seconds after we had shagged, so she took the rare opportunity to snuggle. For a _long_ time. I will probably have to amputate my leg from all the pinching.

When she finally started snoring (she was _heavy_ on the snoring, sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, grabbed my wand and spun around in panic before I realized that Hermione had just let out an impressive snort) I leaned over her to reach her left hand. She let out a wracking grunt and turned around, curling into foster position with her left hand under her head.

Let's just say I had gone through a lot before I realized that her left ring finger and her right ring finger probably was the same size.

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So there I was. I had decided to propose, I had a beautiful ring, I had…

I had pretty much no idea whatsoever how I should propose. I talked to Harry, but only learnt that he had proposed to Ginny during a Quidditch match. Not exactly what my Hermione would go for.

The only other people (except my parents) who were married in my family were – you guessed it – the Twin Menace, the Menacing Twins, the Joking Pranksters, the Pranking Jokesters…

Fred and George.

This should be interesting.

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_Be kind, review. _


	2. A Shakier Continuation

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**Chapter T****wo: A Shakier Continuation**

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Okay, I had made my decision and I had bought a beautiful, and quite expensive, ring. Now all I had to do was to figure out how I was going to ask the love of my life to marry me.

My first thought was obvious – the library.

When we started looking for a flat we could move into together, Hermione said that we should probably name our terms of living immediately. I decided to be sweet and told her it didn't matter how we lived, just as long as we lived together. So now we are next door neighbours to the biggest wizarding library in London. Big mistake when you like to listen to Quidditch games on the WWN and be very enthusiastic about it. After a week of various library-goers furiously knocking on our door, I actually started to miss Madam Pince, the old bat.

As I remembered this, I decided that I definitely wouldn't propose at the library. A man has to have some dignity. And also, I'm banned from entering the library building. Which is really unfair as I only _brought_ the Fred and George there; it wasn't me who hexed the books so that they chased their readers and spat out pages at them. But, not too surprisingly, the old librarian thought I was just as bad as the twins just for bringing them into the library.

And that's when I realized that I would have to ask them for advice. After all, both of them were happily married. How Angelina and Katie survived I do not know; I know I wouldn't be able to cope if I was turned into a giant yellow canary every time I ate something my significant other offered me.

When I knocked on their door, I felt a terror in my chest. It might have had something to do with the fact that the flat both couples shared was a complete trap to every one who didn't live there. And sometimes for those who lived there as well.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes tightly and knocked on the door three times fast.

"Who is it?" I heard a female voice yell from inside.

"Hey Katie," I called out. "It's me; Ron."

"Just a minute," Katie replied, and I heard footsteps.

Suddenly there was a bang and I heard how Katie swore loudly, before the footsteps started again. Then the door opened quickly, and before I'd even gotten inside, Katie was over on the couch rubbing her foot furiously.

"Those damn twins are going to be the death of me, I swear," she muttered, seemingly to herself. "And that George bastard is the worst. 'I love you, Katie, will you please marry me?' In sickness and health, my arse."

I couldn't help myself; I started chuckling lightly, holding a hand over my mouth. Katie's head snapped up and she glared at me through narrowed eyes.

"What's up, Ron?" she asked in a would-be patient tone.

I stopped chuckling. "I need some advice from Fred and George," I said.

Katie raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Why would anyone ever want that?"

I just shrugged because I honestly didn't know why anyone ever would want their advice. This was starting to feel like a really bad idea.

"You make a swell point, Katie," I said. "But here's how it is. I have decided to propose to Hermi –"

I was suddenly rudely interrupted by a gigantic wail. Shooting up from the sofa, I looked to my right and left, grabbing my wand and almost shouting out a Disarming Charm before I looked down at Katie.

She was sobbing into her hands, her shoulders shaking. I almost wished a Death Eater had flown in through the window because a crying girl was ten times worse.

"Katie –"

"Ron, you sweet, sweet boy!" she exclaimed, jumping up and throwing her arms around my neck so tightly that my face probably matched my hair.

"Katie, oxygen," I wheezed, thumping her lightly on the back.

"I can't believe it; it feels like it was just yesterday you were an ickle stuttering first year!"

"Please," I moaned, "I don't want to die like this."

I found it extremely ironic that I had survived a war against Voldemort and all of his Death Eaters - and not less impressive and unlikely, a childhood in the same household as the twins – just to die in the smothering arms of a crying girl.

At last, she let me go. "Oh, Ron," she said, "you don't want the twins from Hell to give you advice on your proposal!"

"Of course I don't, but they're my only option, aren't they?"

"No," said Katie significantly, "They're not you only option."

I looked at her in complete confusion.

"Ron, will I be forced to kick your arse for you to see my point?"

I took a cautionary step backwards, almost falling over the coffee table.

"_You _want to help me propose to Hermione?" I said nonplussed, rubbing my aching calf.

"I happen to be an expert at proposals," Katie said in an arrogant tone.

"You are?" I said uncomprehendingly.

"Well, I got proposed to once," she said, deflating significantly. "By George," she added.

I grinned. "So you're a pro."

"Shut up and let's get to work, Weasley."

While we were looking through numerous wedding magazines and some romance novels, we heard a key turn in the lock.

Katie and I looked at each other in panic, and started running around with the magazines and books, trying to find places to hide them. I stuffed the last magazine up my shirt just as the door opened and the twins barged in as per usual. They stopped in their tracks when they saw me, and the flat turned dead quiet.

"Little brother," said Fred, actually sounding a bit surprised.

"Wife," said George, looking equally nonplussed.

"Brothers," I said at the same time as Katie said, "Husband, brother-in-law."

"What in Merlin's mouldy underpants is going on here?" said Fred in scandalized tones. "A private rendezvous right under our noses? A lovers' meeting while the foolish husband's off working?"

It went deathly quiet again, and then everyone burst into manic laughter. Everyone except me.

"What the hell?" I demanded. "What is so ridiculous about us having an affair?"

George just laughed harder as Fred slapped me on the shoulder and barked, "You haven't got the bollocks, dear brother, and we all know it."

"And – and –" George gasped, "Hermione's got you so whipped I'm surprised you can stand up straight."

Katie roared with laughter and I glared at her, wishing her pain.

"Sorry, Ron," she said softly, wiping her eyes, "but the Dirty Dos are completely correct."

"Traitor," I growled and then I made my revenge, "At least I didn't snog Oliver Wood when I was on the Quidditch team."

George gasped and grabbed onto Fred's shoulder and Katie snapped her eyes to me, looking completely murderous.

"Hey boys," she said in a cold voice, "did you know that Ron is proposing to Hermione?"

George promptly fainted.

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A/N: I'm really sorry for taking this long to update, school has been insane as always. I'll update as soon as I can, and again, I'm really really sorry and I hope that my story hasn't been completely abandoned. Love my reviewers!


	3. An Engaging Chapter

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**Chapter Three: An Engaging C****hapter**

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I, Ron Weasley, am proposing to my girlfriend of… is it five years? Bloody hell, better find that one out before she asks me about it or something. Although, if she found out I can't really remember how long we have been together... then perhaps I don't have to propose!

I know, I either sound like a complete chicken or like I don't want to get married at all. Neither is true. Alright, the first one is true, but I _am _going to propose to Hermione, whether I have the guts to or not! And I think that makes me a true Gryffindor.

Besides, maybe I'll get the new _Nimbus 3000_ for wedding gift.

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"Ron, what's going on with you?"

I looked up from the tellyvision, frowning at Hermione, who was sitting next to me with her knitting. "What? Nothing! Why, what've you heard?"

_Wow._That was not at all suspicious.

"Heard?" Hermione lifted an eyebrow. "Probably as much as you know."

WHAT?

"What?" I whimpered. How could I bugger this up? She wasn't supposed to now. Now everything was destroyed, Hermione wouldn't want to marry me after I spoiled her surprise. And to think I even went to the _twins_, all for nothing.

"For your information, I have been talking about S.P.E.W. for over twenty minutes now, and I haven't gotten a single response from you. Have you been listening to a word I've said?"

Phew. I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and grinned at her. "I haven't listened at all," I said and kissed her happily.

After a couple of minutes, I felt Hermione chuckle against my mouth. I frowned and pulled away from her. "Hey, I'm using some of my best moves here."

"I know," Hermione said, still smiling widely. "I was just thinking, what if we had had that same conversation we just had, but when we were at Hogwarts?"

"Oh God," I laughed with her, suddenly realising what was so amusing. "You would've made me wear a spew-pin on my robes for at least a week."

"Of course I would, you needed to learn some manners. And it is S.P.E.W., not _spew._"

I chuckled and kissed her again. Then I remembered the plan, so I pulled away from her.

"Hey," I said in a low voice, twirling one of her locks through my fingers. It never stopped to amaze me that her hair was so soft when it looked so rough. "How do you feel about going to Harry and Ginny's place tonight?"

"Oh," Hermione answered, her hand playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. "Really?"

"Yeah, I promised I'd baby-sit Billy and Lily."

To my surprise, Hermione looked like she was about to laugh. Then she couldn't stop herself, and she gasped for air within seconds.

"What the hell?" I grinned.

"Don't swear, Ronald," she said soberly, making me roll my eyes, and then she smiled again. "It's just… I can't believe they named their children Lily and Billy." She bit her lip and tears of laughter started to well up in her eyes again.

"_Hermione_," I said quite pointedly, and she stuck out her tongue at me. "They named them Lily and _William_, but they couldn't very well call him Bill, could they? We already have a Bill in the family."

"And I suppose Will was out of the question?" Hermione said triumphantly.

I swallowed what I had been about to say. Will. Why the hell hadn't they called the child _Will_?

"This is not the point," I said, shaking my head to clear it of all this irrelevant talking. "Do you want to come or not?"

Hermione thought for a moment, and then she smiled, kissed me on the nose and nodded.

_Thank God._

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I Apparated over to the Potters while Hermione took a quick shower, telling her that I would meet them there. When I arrived I was met by Harry and Ginny. Ginny was lighting candles with her wand and Harry was chasing two young children around the kitchen, yelling that he was going to send them up to their rooms if they didn't behave.

"Hey sis," I said, standing next to Ginny, and gave her a quick but affectionate one-armed hug.

"Oh, if it isn't the groom-to-be," Ginny grinned at me. "I'm really happy for you, Ron."

"Yeah, well," I said, blushing slightly. "I don't even know if she'll say yes yet."

"Trust me," my baby sister said, looking over at her husband. "She will. We always talked about this at Hogwarts."

I raised my eyebrows unbelievingly. This I hadn't heard before.

"We did," Ginny continued, nodding enthusiastically. "We discussed when we thought you and Harry would realise you love us, and when you'd ask us out the first time, and –" she broke off, sniffling slightly. "- and when you would ask us to marry you."

I felt very uncomfortable in that moment. "Wow… That's really cool."

Ginny suddenly laughed and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, well, Harry proposed first so I won the five Galleons we had going."

"You're joking," I dared her.

"Am I?" she grinned wickedly.

"Mommy!" came two wild yells suddenly, and then Ginny was on the floor.

I was so surprised I didn't even register the two creatures that were hanging onto her legs and now climbing up her body.

"Mommy, mommy," three-and-a-half-year old Lily wailed. "Daddy says we'll not get any ice cream after dinner 'cause we bit him."

Ginny chuckled and, still lying with her back against the floor, she dragged the children up in her arms and hugged them tightly. "Did you bite Daddy?" she said, looking at Billy, who was the quiet one of the two.

He silently shook his head with wide eyes.

"Yes, we did," Lily reminded him helpfully.

"Alright then, no ice cream," said Ginny and started to get up from the floor.

I had started to look around the large apartment. "Wow, this looks great," I breathed, taking in the numerous candles, the rose petals – apparently a must-have – and heard the gentle music that was playing from nowhere. "Thank you, Gin."

"My pleasure," said a manly voice from behind me. Before I had time to register, I was swung around and enveloped in a would-be brisk hug, but was quite affectionate. "I'm really proud of you, mate."

I grinned and swallowed terrified when I realised that my eyes burned just a little. "Thanks, Harry."

He let me go after a minute and grabbed his coat of the hook that was beside him on the wall while Ginny collected the children. "Yeah, well," he said just before they Apparated, "at least my wife won the five Galleons. Good luck, mate."

Then they were gone.

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I had just positioned myself in front of the candles with the small box in my jean pocket when I heard the soft pop that was Hermione Apparating.

"Hey," she called from the kitchen. "Children, I brought you some sugar free candy."

I almost laughed then, as I knew for a fact that the Potter children always ran _away _from her when she said that. Then I realised that she would be coming into the living room, where I stood, any moment now. I desperately tried to remember what I had planned to tell her. Wait, was I going to ask her something? Something with a ring? Wait, a proposal, right?

Hermione walked through the doorway, and when her mouth fell open, I could feel mine do the same. I just realised that I was proposing to this woman, I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. Then I suddenly realised that I had already known that for some time. I remembered thinking that when we sat in the common room for the last time before going home from Hogwarts for the last time.

"Ron," Hermione breathed and smiled.

I walked up to her and took her hand, and then I led her to the middle of the room. She was staring at me with confusion, and I saw that I hadn't spoiled the surprise; she had no clue what I was about to do. Savouring each expression on her face, I fell to one knee.

Hermione gasped loudly and slapped a hand over her mouth. Tears were already leaking from her eyes.

I grinned nervously and opened the small box I had slipped from my pocket. Hermione looked at the ring and smiled through the vast amount of tears that were rolling down her face.

Suddenly very nervous, I couldn't get out a word. She looked at me happily, but I couldn't form the words of the actual question. A couple of weird gurgling sounds were the only thing leaving my mouth, and I felt my eyes burning even worse than before. I tried to signal to her with them, to make her understand what I couldn't say.

"Yes," she whispered and I think I had a heart attack. I had never experienced this feeling before, not even when she had kissed me the first time.

Then I jumped up and kissed her with every fibre of my being. When we broke apart she was laughing happily while sniffling, and I, sniffling a bit as well, slipped the ring onto her finger. Then we hugged each other tightly, both crying softly.

"Congratulations, love birds!" came a loud yell from the doorway to the kitchen.

"But Ronnie, dear, why on earth didn't you use the script we gave you?"

Twins. Bloody, wretched twins.

"Stop blubbering, it's time for a proper engagement party!" yelled Fred while George whooped loudly. I saw that they hade some fireworks in their backpacks.

If I don't live to see my own wedding to Hermione, I will _kill_ them.

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**A/N:** Yaay, an update! So, they're engaged. How do you think it went? Well, I just wanted to tell everyone that the story isn't over, now come the wedding plans, the bachelor parties and a wedding. What do you think about that? Please review if you liked this chapter. Love you, guys.


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